How Are Babies Made?
by CNightJoy
Summary: Young Shawn and Gus have a disagreement about where babies come from after their third grade teacher tells them she's having one.  Maybe Mr. Spencer has an answer...


Credit for this idea goes to my favorite person on the entire planet, Puss in Heels, whose Phoenix Wright version is absolutely fantastic. I will bake her chocolate chip cookies for editing my story and letting me use this idea. She's an amazing human being.

Actual Author's note: No I will not be make cookies...Thank you Puss in Heels for editing and giving inspiration for this story and just because you are amazing doesn't give you the right to hijack my notes. I don't own anything. Please enjoy and review.

It was a typical Wednesday afternoon in Santa Barbara. Shawn Spencer and his best friend Gus were on their way home from a long day at school. Mrs. Walker, their third grade teacher, had had a big announcement for the class; she would be leaving them at the end of the year to have a baby. The girls in the class went crazy with the news, while the boys had all passed it off as a girl thing.

" Did you hear those girls squeal, Shawn?" Gus had been babbling all about Mrs. Walker's announcement since they had left the school.

"Yes, Gus, I heard them. I still don't get what the big deal is. It's just a baby," said Shawn kicking his feet.

"But that's just it, Shawn. It IS a baby. And babies are cute. And girls like cute things. I wonder why Mrs. Walker has to leave to have her baby?" said Gus.

"I don't know, Gus. Maybe she has to go pick it out or something," said Shawn hopping off the edge of the sidewalk.

"Pick it out?"

"You know, from a cabbage patch or something?"

"Shawn, I think you mean a Cabbage Patch Doll," Gus rolled his eyes.

"Are you sure, Gus? Cause I thought that was where all babies came from," said Shawn.

"Please Shawn, everyone knows that storks drop off babies to loving families," said Gus.

"Really, Gus? A bird leaves babies for families?"

"Yeah! On their doorsteps!"

"I find that less likely than the Cabbage Patch story. I mean…on a door step to 'loving families?' What about all the families who aren't that loving? Like the bad people we see on TV all the time?"

"Maybe…they were baby-napped?"

"Baby-napped?"

"Yeah, I mean, the stork _does_ leave the babies on doorsteps."

"Doesn't that make the stork irresponsible?"

Gus stopped. He really didn't know how to respond to that. His parents had told him the stork story when he was little. He had asked for a little brother because his sister cried too much. Of course Shawn WOULD think that babies came from a Cabbage Patch. He never had any siblings, so he never had any reason to ask. He had probably seen the commercial for the dolls one too many times.

That was when it hit him. "Shawn, did you ever ask your dad about this?"

"No, why would I ask my dad?"

"Well, you ask your dad everything."

"I don't ask my dad everything. He just sort of shows up and tells me everything I need to know, whether I want to know it or not. And if it doesn't deal with cops, he doesn't care."

"What about your mom?"

"Why would she know where babies come from?"

"Mrs. Walker knows where babies come from Shawn; I would think your mom does too."

Shawn paused to think. "Maybe," he finally said "but she's at work."

"Is your dad home now?"

"Probably."

Gus crossed his arms across his chest. "I think we should ask him which one of us is right."

"What?"

"Your dad probably knows where babies come from, so why don't we ask him?"

"Eh, he's probably busy," said Shawn turning a corner.

Gus stopped walking, "Are you scared?"

"Scared, Gus?"

"Scared that you're wrong, Shawn?"

"I'm not scared, Gus, because I know I'm right."

Gus did not move. He stayed perfectly still with his arms still crossed tightly over his chest.

"Fine, we'll go ask my dad," Shawn pouted, while Gus smiled and started walking again.

(page break)

Henry Spencer was in the backyard preparing the grill when his son and son's best friend ran into the yard. Henry had a feeling his perfect afternoon was about to take a nose dive, when he saw the determined looks and Shawn and Gus' faces. The fact that Shawn was chanting his name, also gave Henry a small tip off.

"Dad! Dad! DAAAaaad!"

"Shawn, please stop," said Henry.

"We have a very important question for you Mr. Spencer," said Gus eagerly.

"Yeah, it's like the difference between life and death!" exclaimed Shawn.

"I doubt it's that serious," said Henry "but okay, what's your question."

Shawn and Gus looked at each other and then at the same time before announcing the question.

"Where do babies come from?"

Henry froze. He had not been expecting _THAT_ question. At least…not yet. Maybe when Shawn was 10 or 12, but certainly not now. Meanwhile, the boys were trying to talk over each other.

"You see Mr. Spencer, my parents told me that a-"

"You see dad, Mrs. Walker his leaving early to have a baby and-"

"A stork gives loving families babies-"

"And I keep telling Gus that she's going to a Cabbage Patch to pick out-"

"But Shawn has this crazy idea about Cabbage Patches…"

"Her baby…"

"So which one of us is right?" they both asked together.

Henry finally managed to unfreeze and process what the two boys were saying. "Um, well for starters, both of you are…" He could not say they were wrong, could he? Henry really had to think about this. Gus' parents had clearly told him the stork story, so he did not want to make them angry by telling their son something else. But where on Earth had Shawn come up with the Cabbage Patch theory? He was going to be reducing his son's television time again.

"Well, Gus, your parents told you a very common story to tell little children," began Henry.

"So I'm right?" asked Gus excitedly.

"Somewhat. You see boys, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much then they decide to well…" Henry really did not want to be having this conversation, but he was a cop. He always told Shawn things straight, so he would do the same for his Shawn's best friend.

"When a mommy and daddy love each other very much," Henry started again "They agree to have a baby. They sort of talk about it and when they decide to have one they do. What Gus' family said about the stork is a traditional way of saying they talked about it."

Henry felt he was safe with that response.

"And before you start Shawn, no, there is no cabbage patch."

Shawn closed his mouth.

"But Mr. Spencer, why wouldn't my parents just tell me they talked about it?" asked Gus.

"Because…" Henry was getting frustrated with the question. "…that's just too boring, okay? Gus, why don't you go home? Ask your parents to explain it again."

"Okay, Mr. Spencer, I will. See you later, Shawn!" With that, Gus ran off to his house.

Henry turned back to Shawn.

"Dad…is that REALLY where babies come from?" Shawn asked, still not really understanding what his father was telling him.

"Sure," said Henry stiffly, avoiding his son's gaze.

"Okay Dad. If you say so…" mumbled Shawn as he went into the house. His theory of the Cabbage Patch sounded way cooler.

Henry thought he was finally safe for a few more years of actually answering that question until later that night, when the phone rang.

"Mr. Spencer? This is Mr. Guster. We have something we need to talk about…"


End file.
